Manaia talks about diversity and identity development as a young person and the importance of whānau. Finding out about whakapapa increases a sense of identity, self-awareness and being part of a collective identity for this young person. This narrative describes how Manaia has recognised the multiple identities of Pākehā and Māori, and as a transgender young person, how this has shaped a sense of belonging.
Family is one of the most important things. Growing up, I was the only child to my mother. My father wasn’t really in the picture. My mum raised me, she had to work and gain a Social Work degree because she wanted to have a financial future with me. So I spent a lot of time with my grandparents, my mum’s brother and sister, and my aunty and uncle and their kids. Everybody had some part to play.
My uncle was one of the biggest male role models I ever had. He didn’t have any kids and spent a lot of time with me and my mum. At times, we lived together. Uncle was gay and was the kindest and most caring person, who did whatever he could to make sure I was happy and okay. Our family was very accepting and open, they allowed you to be who you are without too much objection to that.
My mum’s Pākehā, with Scottish and Irish ancestry. My father’s Māori. He’s from Gisborne and his iwi is Ngāti Porou. I met him a couple of times when I was a child, but I can only really remember one time. When I was about 18 or 19, I searched on Facebook for him and found one of his sisters. Unfortunately, at that point, my father had passed away, but because I was heading up to Wellington, I thought I might as well go and see them. I wasn’t sure what to expect and was quite nervous. My Aunty picked me up. I was a bit shocked that I saw some of my personality traits within them, things and manners close to the things they did, that didn’t really fit into my mother’s side of the family. Then, there were big differences too. Before I met them, I didn’t have the greatest opinion of myfather. I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t be there for me more. When I met his family, I noticed the disadvantages they experienced. I was in a more fortunate position than them, which offered me a lot more opportunities. I realised they were definitely not bad people, they just lived in a different environment and had different expectations. It helped me to forgive my father.
I identify as trans-man. Throughout my life, I found it hard to come to terms with myself, to truly understand where I belong and how I best fit into this world. Two and a half years ago, I started telling people, and I’m definitely more at peace and more comfortable with myself. I’m not ashamed of myself and generally, I’m a happier person because of it.
When I started telling people, some didn’t take it that well. My closest friend comes from a very religious background, but I didn’t cut him off because he couldn’t understand, it was about giving him time to come to terms with it. I’ve learned that most people will end up caring more about you if they want you in their life. My two closest friends, one’s a Muslim and one’s a Mormon. They’re not groups of people that would normally associate with trans-people, but they’re both very accepting of that.
One of the most important things I want people to know is that I care about people, that I’m accepting of whatever background you might have or whoever you might be. Everybody has a right to be what they want and have their own beliefs. My identity is obviously important too. I am Māori, and my heritage and culture on my mother’s side is also very important to me. With being transgender, I am more accepting too.
Community groups, organisations and state-run organisations have a place to nurture and put people in safe environments, so they are allowed to develop a sense of self and to express their diversity without judgment. (Youth Organisation) gave me a safe place, they were always supportive and looked after my needs. Having options like this for people who just need a bit of extra support, can go a long way to ensuring people feel comfortable with themselves. We have a more productive generation, but we also have a more diverse generation who need tolerance and acceptance in the process.
I made a few friends at (Youth Organisation) and really strong connections with two youth workers. They helped me to push myself outside of my comfort zone. If I ever needed to talk, someone would always be there. They made me come onto the board of advisors, which was really cool because I like having a challenge and being able to try and come up with different ideas. Not everyone has the same needs, you’ve got to think creatively, really understand their perspective and be able to empathise, and try to do what’s best for them.
Outcome 1 - Developing the whole person
Weaving with the three key approaches
Strengths-based
The practitioner started with the basic belief that Manaia already had the skills and knowledge to be the best version of themselves and saw huge potential in their ability to think critically and advocate for themselves. The practitioner then found opportunities to support growing those strengths e.g. joining the board.
Respectful relationships
From the start, the practitioner ensured their relationship with Manaia was based on trust, honesty, and acceptance for who they are, including by telling Manaia that in appropriate contexts. The relationship was built through expressing honest feedback on performance that was kind, clear and descriptive. Manaia was extremely quiet and the practitioner encouraged to share this by being themselves and being honest about their own experiences.
Building ownership and empowerment
When working through different situations and challenges, the practitioner prompted Manaia to think of solutions that would work best for them and supported their ability to have autonomy to learn and understand what they needed. The practitioner and Manaia would discuss ideas and their own perspectives, but at the end of the day the choices were Manaia’s. The practitioner also ensured these choices were supported by the whānau so Manaia remained safe and more supported when shifting into experiences outside their comfort zone.
Relevance for funders / policy makers
This youth development organisation is focussed on employment outcomes. Yet in order to enable positive employment outcomes, the organisation had to first look at the development of the whole person. Manaia was unable to engage in study or hold down employment pre-intervention. Post-intervention, this story of development of Manaia’s identity and participation in activities outside of their comfort zone are pivotal to their success. Manaia is generally a lot happier, no longer needs as much mental health support, has more friends, is no longer reliant on the beneficiary system, now has a part time job and is studying at university.
