Forming Respectful Relationships

When the weather changed unexpectedly, with support from the facilitator, they adapted their plan which meant that although their original goal wasn’t obtained their internal sense of achievement was high. Their adaptability allowed them to arrive back safely, with a sense of achievement and success. Two hours of storytelling and reflection by the group afterwards demonstrated that confidence, resiliency and development had occurred. High support was illustrated in this example by a facilitator who knew the group well, had strong relationships with each member of the group and by the group knowing that the facilitator always had their back (unconditional support). High challenge was illustrated by the groups initial doubt about their ability to achieve. Now, driven by their desire to achieve, they set a goal that was highly challenging that included trying weather and physical environments and called on support where needed.

Whānaungatanga – The relationships a person has to other people and places and connections between people such as whānau, hapū, iwi and hāpori.

The root word of ‘Manaakitanga’ is ‘mana’. Manaakitanga is the actions though which you uphold mana, to acknowledge someone’s value in an ongoing way, for example, showing generosity, hospitality, respect and care.

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Building respectful relationships

Three important concepts that support respectful relationships include:

1. Mana-enhancing practices
2. Person-centred approaches
3. Agency

Mana-enhancing practices

To have a clear appreciation of what is meant by the phrase ‘mana-enhancing practice’ and how this can be applied to youth development practice, it’s important to understand the context of the term mana and its relevance within a Māori worldview.

Mana is inherited through wairua (spiritual connection) and the product of mauri (life force). It is because of this interconnection that specific outcomes are achieved. For example, crucial to establishing and maintaining good relationships is using tikanga or the practice of manaakitanga – to express generosity and respect. A review of the word manaakitanga shows how it is comprised of ‘aki’ and ‘mana’. ‘Aki’ is to urge forward our ‘mana’ so that it is visible, influential, and far reaching [36].

Mana-enhancing practice is grounded in kaupapa Māori or cultural philosophies and practices. The health and wellbeing model ‘Te Whare Tapa Whā’ [37] is an example of how a kaupapa Māori model of practice can be utilised to demonstrate mana-enhancing practice. The symbolism of a structure of a whare (house) and its four sides (taha), which when equally supported will ensure the whare has a strong foundation to maintain symmetry and strength. Supporting and enhancing a person’s connection to their taha wairua – spiritual side, taha tīnana – physical side, taha hinengaro – emotional side and taha whānau – family side helps to build durability and resilience.

Other actions and principles to consider when implementing mana-enhancing practice are building collaborative relationships that are meaningful and reciprocal, discovering what common values exist, sharing knowledge, and recognising the importance of language. For example, the correct pronunciation of a young person’s name if it is in te reo Māori (or any other language) is acknowledging the mana of their name and their whakapapa. Participating in cultural activities, recognising the important role that cultural narratives have, learning about the various customs and protocols that exist can enable us to be cognisant of the world views that connect traditional concepts into today’s environment, and the influence this has on rangatahi Māori perspectives.

There is a saying or whakatauāki “mahia te mahi, hei painga mō te iwi” doing what is best for the people and at the heart of the matter, it’s about family and community “whānau me te hapori ki te manawa.” Incorporating a whānau-centred approach reinforces the ability to maintain a mana-enhancing practice. This retains a kaupapa Māori focus at the core of the work and keeps it grounded in cultural practice. For mana-enhancing practice to be effective it needs to be holistic and consider the whole person, their values, and the people around them who they identify as best placed to help them. No matter the culture or belief system, by encouraging and affirming individual perspectives in that culture or belief system, the uniqueness of the individual is encouraged and affirmed. This holistic approach is sound practice and is effective in supporting other cultures and groups, as is the importance of empowering families from strengths-based socio-cultural constructs.

Person-centred approaches:

Person-centred and relational approaches are well established as significant factors in the development of healthy outcomes when working with people. Rogers (1959) [38], the founder of person-centred counselling, coined the phrase “unconditional positive regard” as a prerequisite for effective helping relationships. However, this is only one aspect of a respectful relationship. A person-centred approach is a relational and strengths-based approach that creates the conditions to enable us to work ‘with and alongside’ rather than ‘on’ young people.

This allows interactions with young people to be guided by where young people are at. If we are able to work with ‘where a young person is at’, they are more likely to feel heard and understood. As a result, we are likely to be in a better position to develop more enduring relationships with them. It is important to note that person-centred approaches, by considering what is important to an individual, also highlight the importance of including whānau (as defined by each young person) where possible.

Agency and respectful relationships

Agency is a term to describe people’s ability to have control over their own lives. Agency is a significant part of respectful relationships. Working in an empowering and respectful way involves ‘giving’ power to others. An example is giving young people a meaningful say into decisions that affect them. The use of agency in practice also recognises that young people may choose to express themselves in ways that may not be seen as legitimate by decision makers and dominant societal values. Think about the different situations young people may be in and how they express themselves when they have relatively little ability to influence decisions that affect them. Empowering young people involves not only giving them space and opportunity to express power but must also acknowledge their own ways of exercising their power.